10.+Sex+Drive

1. Marriage a. intamcy and itsimportance b. Ways to improve intamcy 1. Holding hands 2. Dates 3. PDA c. Unfaithfulness 1. If couple stays together what happend to sex drive? 2. Being Sick a. Cancer and other illness 1. Breast and Testicular cancer a. stays together? b. Sex drive decreases during Kemo or Radiation? c. If sex drive returns is spouse still interested? 3. Age 4. Sources


 * Intimacy in marriages and how important it is:**

Sex is very important in relationships and in marriages. It is one of the ways to express your love and feelings to your partner. Even though sexual intimacy is important you also need the emotional, spiritual, and intellectual aspects of the relationship. There are four C’s of sexual intimacy in a marriage that could improve your marriage or relationship.

__The four C’s of sexual intimacy__ 1) Communication- When couples are not able to communicate to their partner about problems, desires, fears, and many unspoken issues. When these problems are not talked about, it will affect your sex life. 2) Caring- Making sure you care for them in all the ways they want to be cared for in bed. 3) Commitment-Being committed to your relationship and all the intimacy that comes with a relationship even if that means planning it into your busy day. 4) Common Values- Intimacy will not happen between couples when the values you share as a couple are in conflict.

“Work + Kissing = A Happy Marriage” – Dan Cronin

Married couples struggle to keep their relationship strong and full of passion. But that is not always that simple because of busy schedules, kids, work, changing and aging bodies. A lot of married couples don’t kiss each other like they did when they first started dating. Even if they weren’t really in to PDA they still would kiss each other in private. But now they don’t even do that. You have to do the small things to keep the spark in your relationship so you really have to try and keep that passion alive. Every marriage and relationship will go through dry spells in their sex lives and their normal lives. But you will be able to work through this dry spell as long as you guys have other ways of having fun and re connecting with each other. During your relationship when passion and sex drop out of your marriage the caring for your partner is so low on your list that you begin to treat each other like roommates. You need to take that time to reconnect, share laughs and moments of affection to remember why you both are connected to each other.

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Ways to Improve Intimacy:

__5 Ways to Improve Intimacy in Your Marriage__ 1) Having some quality alone time together: The longer a couple has been together the harder it becomes for that couple to have some quality alone time on a regular basis. When spending some time alone you can do anything with your partner as long as you aren’t talking about work, family, and money. Because when some of these topics get brought up it will cause tension between the couple and may cause a fight. 2) Touch each other every day: How often do you hug or kiss your partner?? Giving them a simple hug or kiss when they leave the house and come home will improve your intimacy because you still need to express to each other how you feel about one another. 3) Go for a weekend retreat: Changing the environment that both partners are constantly in can improve the intimacy in your relationship. Plan a romantic getaway for the two of you. Even if it is just a small weekend trip to the coast you both could spend some quality alone time without any responsibilities, kids, chores and family drama. If you have kids simply leave them with a friend or with grandma and grandpa for the weekend. They will understand because the health of your relationship is healthy for them too. 4) Practice good communication skills: Learning how to communicate and disagree without causing anger and resentment can make a big difference. Communication is HUGE in a relationship because it shows that you can work through things as a couple and talk about things and conflict that come up in your relationship. 5) Practice random acts of kindness: Sometimes put your partner’s needs above your own to show them how you care. Even if it is just a backrub after a long day at work.

“If you neglect intimacy in your marriage you will grow apart.”

As each one of you grows, develops, and changes your intimacy needs to grow as well. Is there such thing as too much togetherness?? A lot of people may think that there can’t be too much intimacy and togetherness. But sometimes you forget the want and need for some separate time. Your partner might feel guilty for spending time with their friends or even just having some alone time. Most intimacy needs can be met by their partner, but no one person can meet all of your needs. Each person has things they enjoy doing, but their partner doesn’t like sporting events or shopping, so you find a friend that does so you can do those thing together. Being independent is a important thing and encouraging your partner to be independent as well because doing these things will make you happier and you can pass this happiness onto your relationship.

“Intimacy is an important part of a vibrant, loving marriage.”

Unfaithfulness:

After finding out that your partner has cheated on you there are a few things you need to do to keep yourself sane in a horrible situation. 1) Don’t make any major decisions about ending your marriage because they have been unfaithful. This is time to look back on your relationship and see if there are parts of your relationship that needed to be dealt with other than the affair. I know it’s something that would be hard to swallow but the affair could have been avoided if some things were done different. 2) Having feelings of anger, shock, pain, fear, depression, and confusion about having a partner who has been unfaithful is very normal. 3) You need to make sure you take care of yourself. You may get that shakes and may find it very hard to concentrate. So you need to make sure that your eating and sleeping. 4) Keep yourself busy and your mind pre occupied. Make sure you’re eating healthy and getting enough sleep. Tears are a very healthy and normal thing. So keep them flowing. If you have a hard time getting them to come naturally put on some soft music or watch a tear jerker. Crying is completely healthy and normal.

Adultery is very widespread. It affects one in every 2.7 couples. By the time we are 40 years old, approximately 50% of all wives and 60% of all husbands, will have an affair. Psychologists have estimated only 35% of the affected affair couples will stay together. Couples who choose to work through the affair and seek marriage counseling have a better chance of surviving this and stay together. The hardest part of dealing with the affair is to look beyond the act its self and dig into the things that may have caused this affair. If you both have the willingness to make this relationship work there is real hope for you.

Women who are diagnosed with breast cancer may have to go through treatments such as chemotherapy, radiation or some kind of hormone replacement which can cause symptoms of: Vaginal dryness-which is brought on by low estrogen levels Hot flashes Night sweats Decreased sex drive
 * Cancer and Sex Drive-**

Women who have breast or ovarian cancer may receive a different body image then they may have had before because of a surgery they might have to have in order to stay alive. They may have to get a double mastectomy or lose their hair which can alter their appearance in turn altering their body image, ruining their sex drive.

Sexuality and stress are linked together especially in women. If a women is sick and feeling stress about the sickness their sex drive is going to be considerably lower due to high stress levels that could ruin a relationship.

Many men and women who have spouses that have cancer of the sex organs need to realize that there are going to be a lot of stresses going on and sex isn’t going to be on the top of the list. Being in a relationship with someone who has cancer or a terminal illness is going to take a lot of work in order to work through the sexuality issues.

Hypogonadism, diminished normal or reproductive functioning in the testes or the ovaries, or low serum testosterone has symptoms of lowering the sex drive, and impedance may be treated with TRT (Testoserone replacement therapy) can help avoid these symptoms.

The best ways to keep the marriage alive while having a spouse going through cancer or another illness, is to be supportive and always be there for them.

Age:

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As people grow old, many continue to have a active and satisfying sex life. However, changes that many will encounters when experiencing getting older such as; children moving out (empty nest syndrome), mid-life crisis, depression, health and lifestyle changes may all effect the sexual health of an adult. Although many experience these changes, for most people sexual feelings don't just disappear. The leading change in sexual health for both men and women alike is decreased production of hormones. As a person ages, this decrease in hormones causes several sexual dysfunctions. .=====

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